St. Mary's Episcopal Church

The Reverend James Derkits
July 30, 2006
Proper 12:Mark 6:45-52 I want Jesus to walk with me

Sing: I want Jesus to walk with me.

So after feeding all those people, taking, blessing, breaking and giving the bread and the fish to the crowds, crowds of more than five thousand, Jesus does something that St Mark remembers happening at very important points in his Gospel: Jesus goes off by himself and prays. He sends the disciples ahead, across the lake, they seem to be alone out there in the middle of the night, and they are rowing and rowing, but the boat is not getting anywhere because the wind is blowing against them. They may be remembering the last time they were on the turbulent sea and Jesus was asleep in the boat, and he woke up and told the seas to be still, and the seas obeyed! They were amazed and wondered just who they were dealing with. But this time they knew this guy they had been walking with, who was teaching them how to teach and heal and feed, this Jesus guy was back there praying. They were probably wishing he was there again, to help them with the wind, and the rough seas.

I want Jesus to walk with me.

It’s easier for us to read this. We know the whole story, we have had time to learn and understand who Jesus is, but the disciples, sadly, were just not getting it. Even after the amazing loaves and fishes feast, the feast that was almost seemed like that great eternal feast when we will all gather around God’s table, even after the feast we learn from St Mark that their hearts were hardened and they did not understand. But when we read this story, with some distance from the events, we are able to see who Jesus is, and watch the disciples slowly try to learn who Jesus is…He comes walking on the water, now lest we forget, this is a very God thing to do, we mortals stick to land. But God is the one who moves over the water, just like in creation when God brought order out of Chaos, so Jesus moves over the chaotic waters, to bring calm order to the disciples. St Mark slips us another clue when he tells us that Jesus intended to pass them by, another God thing to do. Remember when Israel was in Egypt, and the angel of the Lord Passed Over the Israelites, leaving their first born alive, but bringing death to those of their Egyptian Oppressors. And then, when the disciples do see him, they are terrified, and really, who wouldn’t be?? At first they don’t even believe it is him, they believe it is a ghost out there, it is only when he speaks to them that they know it is Jesus. And when he speaks, they know who Jesus is, because he doesn’t just say hey, it’s me. He says, as St Mark writes it in Greek: ego eimi. Which translates something like I AM I…This is the same thing that God spoke out of the Burning Bush to Moses in the Old Testament, which is usually translated I Am Who I Am. When the disciples are on that boat, rocking on the chaotic waters, and fighting against the wind, they are afraid they see a ghost, they think they are without Jesus, and then he appears, and they hear him say I am God, do not be afraid… Their hearts were hardened so they did not understand the loaves, and they were astounded by what was happening out there on the sea. Maybe they didn’t even really want to admit, maybe they were afraid to believe that Jesus really was God. I mean, if he was God, what would that mean for their lives? What would that mean for their future?

I want Jesus to walk with me.

Walking with Jesus led me, last summer to SA. It wasn’t chaotic not in itself, but I was disoriented in that context, and to me it did seem chaotic. And after I thought I was confused enough, Jesus would have the nerve to send me out from the safety of the college where I was staying into the township where the poorest of South Africa live, and deep into the township to a hospital were the sickest of the poorest come for treatment. It was a Tuberculosis and AIDS hospital called Themba, which I later found out means hope. I went there thinking I was following Jesus but sometimes forgetting what that meant; I think my heart was hardened as I was trying to be a cool collected American having this cultural experience; until I met the matron of this hospital. I went there expecting more of my own spiritual chaos, sickness, sadness, despair, and confusion. But what I saw, and I almost didn’t believe it at first, what I saw, in the form of a black South African woman, the matron of the hospital, was Jesus walking on the water. She walked up to us, with a big smile on her face. She pretended she was going to hug one of my new South African friends, but instead she gave him a quick, playful punch in the gut. We all laughed, mine was a nervous laugh…I thought “Who is this?” Then they introduced me, James from the States. I kindly put out my hand, and she put out her fist, right into my gut. I almost cried. Not with any kind of sadness, but with joy of being welcomed, joy of being made one of the group, she made me feel like we had known each other for so long. Then she smiled and gave me a hug. She gave us a tour of the facility, and it was sad in some ways, but what outshined that sadness was her hope. She was filled to overflowing with hope. There in the midst of a post-Apartheid South Africa still struggling to find balance, in the midst of that township, where certain people were still stuck living in poverty as if still under Apartheid, in the midst of that Hospital where the sickest of the poorest came for help, there, she walked, as if on water, and brought love, care, healing, and most importantly, she brought hope into people’s dark chaos. I knew I was witnessing God at work there. I was astounded, and I am still discovering just how amazing that experience was.

The odd thing about that experience was that coming back to the United States sent me into another sort of chaos. Since then I see the world a little differently, and have been trying to keep an eye out for where Jesus is going to appear next, paying attention in times of apparent chaos, knowing that even in the most turbulent times Jesus will come walking over the water, God will move over the water and bring order once again to the most troublesome fears. Or, even more frightening, I sometimes wonder where God will have me walk, with Jesus, into someone’s chaos, I wonder what darkness we will be called to walk into, to bring, order, healing, hope.

I want Jesus to walk with me.

The disciples may not have wanted to recognize Jesus, because they knew that their lives would forever be on another course, they would be the ones going out again and again, healing, feeding, teaching, bringing hope. They were reluctant to believe Jesus was God. Or as St Mark puts it, their hearts were hardened, and they did not understand the loaves. As we gather here to break bread with Jesus, and all are fed, with some left-over, we have the opportunity to recognize Jesus walking on the water into our world. He will bring order, so we need not be afraid. But know that if we recognize him as God, and I have every hope that we truly do, if we recognize God, we too will be sent out into our own world, to walk across the chaos and bring order, love, healing, feeding, and hope to those in our world who need it most. It happened last week when we went to Boys and Girls Country, it happened this morning as we cooked breakfast at Lord of the Streets, it happens any time we are so bold as to act as the Body of Christ in the world, and recognize Jesus as God.

Will you help me give voice to all those in our world who are waiting for Jesus as we sing: I want Jesus to walk with me.